The Day The Mothership Stood Still
by PureFuronGodliness
Summary: AKA Alcohol Poisoning. A short fic, request, and basically a prequel to one of my other fics, 'Warmth'. How did a smashed Crypto end up setting fire to his bed?
1. Brain Bad

**Author's Note: I wrote this story after a request made by MeeMeeCandy777. This fic takes place a few weeks before 'Warmth', another story of mine, in which it was mentioned (it was just meant as a little gag, heh) Crypto set fire to his bed. MeeMeeCandy777 wanted to know how that happened, and suggested the title 'Alcohol Poisoning'. So uh, finally, here it is. Hope you all enjoy…!**

* * *

**The Day The Mothership Stood Still  
AKA  
Alcohol Poisoning**

Today was supposed to be a day off.  
A day to spend laid back, to relax and do frivolous things to reset the mind. Cryptosporidium-137 was doing just that, having left for Earth hours ago to indulge in Earthly delights.

But Orthopox-13 just couldn't spend much time out of the labs before he practically heard his delicate instruments calling him in yearning of his gentle touch.  
So after only having spent a brief portion of the morning in the living quarters, he had soon found himself back in his research lab, and spent his day off like any regular one: by poking brains.  
Science was Pox's one and only love. Science was his life, his passion, the sole reason for his existence. But sometimes, science was a cruel mistress.

After finishing dissecting the umpteenth fresh pink brainstem of the day, Pox commanded his lab's Brainmeats Regurgatron to deliver him the next one.  
But what subsequently flopped onto his operating tray was a mostly liquid, rancid heap of snot emitting a smell that would have burnt off Pox's eyelashes if he had them.  
It was a baaad brain.

"Spoot. I-I mean…"

But Pox jolted a little to suddenly hearing a noise behind him. It sounded like something far back in the lab was knocked over. A vague 'oops' was then heard, followed by a weird merry hum that carried no tune whatsoever.  
Crypto was back. Please, dear, merciful Arkvoodle, let him be wearing pants this time…

"Evenin'…!" the Furon Commander then heard, and turned his cerebral chair around to indeed see the warrior clone come stagger his way.

"Oh, hello, Crypto…" Pox sighed. He always hated dealing with an intoxicated Crypto.

"Poxilicious, Poxopolis, lookin' good tonight, pal." the inebriated warrior slurred on. "Say, can I use the lab's toilet?"

"No."

"I thought not, that's why I pissed in a beaker. What's that ya got goin' on there…?"

Crypto went to stand beside Pox and peeked at the heap of rotting, bubbling, greyish yellow gore wrapped in the scent of cabbage and roadkill, and immediately his brow furrowed in an odd way.

"I think I'm gonna hurl." he then stated.

"Not in my lab, you're not!" Pox barked. "I'm busy, Crypto, and I have no need for a wastrel like you around right now…! You're obviously drunk so go sleep it off before you desecrate my laboratory… Some more."

"Yeah, okay…" Crypto mumbled in response. "I'm gonna grab a snack first, though. And save that brain for me. It'd work great in a practical joke."

Pox then glared after Crypto as the young wasted Furon wandered off in the general direction of the elevator hall.  
Letting out an exasperated sigh, the Furon Commander turned his view back to the small pile of horror before him and resumed his work.


	2. Heavy Mattress Encounter

Pox had quickly gotten rid of the bad brain and continued with a fresh new one, and was soon back in his proper DNA-harvesting rhythm. Just a few more brains to pick and his quota for the day were met. He could use a break, maybe grab a bite to eat… Would be nice if Crypto **didn't **let the kitchen end up looking like a weekend warzone for once, though.

About half an hour had passed since Crypto had left the lab, and Pox was about to start on his last brainstem, when a warning beep suddenly presented itself throughout the Mothership.  
Pox looked up startled as a female computerized voice announced:

'Warning. Recyclotron overload. Warning. Recyclotron overload.'

Pox dropped his syringe and immediately turned his chair around, hovering it over to the elevator to hurry down to the cargo hold.  
Once there, he was met by an odd smoke covering the ceiling with a nasty black veil and the smell of burning electronics.  
He quickly went over to the Recyclotron wing and saw Crypto trying to pull something big out of the large device.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Pox exclaimed as he hurried to the machine and tried to turn it off in a haste. "What is that?!"

"My mattress." Crypto replied. "I puked on it so I thought I'd clean it up."

"By setting it on fire?!"

"Yeah." the warrior clone frankly replied.

Pox could only stare at him with a glare of disbelief as the flames and warning beeps went on in the background.

"Okay, so maybe I didn't really think it through." Crypto then added.

The cargo hold's sprinkler system then finally activated, splashing the two Furons with freezing water and vaguely extinguishing some of the burning mattress before causing the damaged Recyclotron to short out, taking the rest of the Mothership with it.  
The entire room went dark, save for a bit of moonlight shining through the large windows, and the flames still dancing on the charred mattress.

"Brains!" Pox let out in exasperation. "Nice going, Crypto!"

Crypto had gotten a fire extinguisher from nearby and hosed the remaining fire with it until it stopped.

"Well, at least the flames are out, eh?" he then said and tossed the extinguisher aside. "Besides, I blame you. You told me to sleep it off."

"If you didn't reek of pizza and vomit I'd strangle you right now." Pox told him angrily. "Do you realize how long it will take to get the stink of molten plastics out of my Mothership? And Arkvoodle knows what damage the circuitry has sustained from this-… this **backwards stupidity** of yours!"

"Okay!" Crypto exclaimed, throwing his hands up theatrically. "I'm sorry, awright? Now can I sleep in your bed?"

"**NO!"**

"**Then** where the hell should I sleep?!"

"I don't care! Just get out of my face or I'll get an Ion Detonator and sober you up the easy way!"


	3. Flashbacks and Prospects

Crypto had quickly left while Pox had little other choice than to try and get the Mothership's power back on, all the while casting muttered curses at the warrior clone.

Said young Furon pointlessly wandered around the Mothership, and soon realized he indeed didn't exactly smell like a bouquet of freakin' roses. So he freshened himself up, and eventually wound up on the couch in the living quarters.  
As he lay there on his back, his arms behind his head, Crypto closed his eyes and mentally drifted back to his latest trip to Earth.

* * *

"That's your seventh vodka, man…"

Crypto, in the midst of a hippie gathering, tossed his empty shotglass over his shoulder and made a satisfied growl. He wasn't even in disguise. He was practically a saint to the hippies, being a far out alien from outer space.

"Yeah, well, it's good stuff." he replied. "What brand is it, anyway?"

"I don't know, dude..." the smelly, long haired human sitting next to him on the floor of the hippie den told him. "Everyone just chipped in and brought some booze. I'm not even sure if it's really vodka. No offense, but you kinda look like you've had enough for a while. You're goin' a little green."

"I. Am not-… W-what d'ya say again…?"

"That you're green, man."

Crypto furiously got up and grabbed the human by the collar of his blue tie-dye shirt in a wobbly drunk manner.

"You callin' me green, hippie?" he threatened with his teeth bared.

"Hey, chill out, man…! I didn't mean 'green' like in… 'green'…!"

"Stop sayin' green…!"

"Alright, I'm sorry, dude…! Just mellow out…!"

"Make love, not war…" a blonde hippie chick then cooed at Crypto from behind.

She stroked his shoulders and Crypto slowly let go of the male human as the hippie chick pinned a flower to the warrior clone's shirt.

"I prefer to do both." he told the blonde as he turned to her with a seductive grin.

"Then you've gotta try this groovy cocktail Amethyst Rainbow whipped up for us…!" the hippie chick told him as she waved a glass of mixed spirits of questionable origin in Crypto's face. "She says it's the ultimate aphrodisiac…"

"Baby, I don't need help. I'm my own aphrodisiac… But okay, lay it on me."

The blonde then poured the alcoholic liquid down Crypto's throat and giggled intoxicatedly as he subsequently burped loudly.

"Ugh. W-what the hell was in that stuff…?" Crypto asked, suddenly not feeling so good.

"I dunno." the hippie chick innocently shrugged. "You'll have to ask Amethyst once she comes to. Now, let's make some love and war…"

The girl then wasted no time taking off Crypto's shirt and playfully twirled an index finger along his chest, and up to his chin which she held as she kissed him. Crypto eagerly kissed her back, but she teased him by breaking away and giggled seductively as she swayed her shoulders around.

Crypto sat on the floor looking at her, dumb as a dog as he watched her sensually twirling her arms and hands about, moving her hips around in circles before she abruptly peeled off her top, revealing everything underneath it.  
Crypto's big black eyes widened, eager to take everything in, but subsequently his brain was overloaded by booze, bliss and boobs and he fell over like a bag of water, passed out, limp and stupid on the floor.

* * *

Back on the couch on the Mothership, Crypto furrowed his eyebrows together as he recalled this prime opportunity that he had missed.  
Sure, maybe he did not yet have his package, but that didn't mean he couldn't be pleased. Dammit...  
He didn't even remember how the hell he got home. The last thing he could remember was that big pair of jiggly-…

"Melons…?" Pox's voice suddenly came from next to him.

Crypto opened his eyes in confusion, to see Pox sitting in his cerebral chair hovering right next to the couch, offering him some of a bowl of sliced melon he was holding.

"Uh, no thanks, I'm good…" Crypto mumbled.

He hadn't heard the guy enter the room. Had he been asleep…? Hell, Crypto hadn't even noticed the lights were back on.

"Brains, I'm famished." Pox sighed as he poked at his bowl of fruit with a fork. "Twelve straight hours of lab work, and then a busted Recyclotron… I thought I was never going to get through the mess of molten insulation fibre…"

He then contently proceeded to munch on the fresh fruit as Crypto sat up straight on the couch. The warrior clone's head was still feeling a bit buzzy; alcohol, hormones and images of half-naked hippie chicks still whizzing through it vividly.

"So," Pox then started. "Did you have fun on Earth? Was all that hideous **mess** worth it?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess…" Crypto replied. "I can't remember most of it so it must've been good, heh."

Pox sighed annoyedly.

"Been indulging yourself in nubile young cattle too, I'll wager…"

"What can I say?" Crypto grinned. "Chicks dig my feline facial features."

"One of these days your behaviour is going to contract you a disease." Pox warned him. "All those promiscuous hippie females are an STD waiting to happen and if my tests show-…"

Crypto soon zoned out as Pox rambled on about the dangers of intercourse. The warrior clone vaguely heard the words, but he was becoming more interested in the lips they came from.  
Those light grey, soft Furon lips, shining with melon juice and moving with agility as their owner spoke. They were gleaming clear like the moon. Like a freshly poured shot of vodka.  
They were tempting him. Calling him.

"…And when you get your new package and are subsequently stuck with a limp linguini, don't say I didn't-…"

But Pox was direly interrupted and silenced as Crypto suddenly lunged for him and locked him in an inebriated yet passionate kiss.  
He gently though lustfully grazed his lips over Pox's as he held him by the collar of his robes, and, for the briefest fraction of a moment, he felt Pox give in.

But after mere nanoseconds, Crypto was hurled back onto the couch with such psychokinetic force the heavy piece of furniture nearly toppled over, and the fruit bowl Pox had initially dropped in shock, shot by and missed Crypto's big head by mere milimeters before exploding against the wall, sending bits of melon and crockery everywhere.

Dazed, Crypto looked at his mentor as Pox's cheeks turned pink and his left eye twitched before he screamed;

"_**H-have you gone completely bloody MENTAL?!"**_

But the Furon Commander felt too disturbed to wait for a response and made a hasty, shaken exit, leaving the profligate warrior clone by himself.

Crypto stared stupidly at the corner of the room around which Pox had disappeared. Pox was pissed.  
There were going to be consequences. Oh yeah, dire consequences. There could be severe castration. Or was it castigation…? Well, either way it's bad.

But, no matter. However brief it was, Crypto knew what he had sensed in his mentor. Maybe he'll just try again later…  
And with that thought in mind, the warrior clone leant back on the couch with a sense of fulfillment and fell into a lethargic, drunk, yet happy sleep.

**END**

* * *

**So. There ya have it. XD A promise I made over half a year ago, finally completed. It's perhaps a little shorter than I had in mind, but it wasn't meant to be too long anyway.  
****All reviews, big or small, positive or not, are welcome and appreciated…! Just a brief 'yay?' or 'ugh' will do, yo! Reviews are the FUEL for new stories...! Oh, and uh, please. No stealin'. Stealin' is sooo not groovy.**


End file.
